A REFINING.

Psalm 65: 7

Who stilled the roaring of the seas,
    the roaring of their waves,
    and the turmoil of the nations.
The whole earth is filled with awe at your wonders;
    where morning dawns, where evening fades,
    you call forth songs of joy.

You care for the land and water it;
    you enrich it abundantly.
The streams of God are filled with water
    to provide the people with grain,
    for so you have ordained it.
You drench its furrows and level its ridges;
    you soften it with showers and bless its crops.
You crown the year with your bounty,
    and your carts overflow with abundance.
The grasslands of the wilderness overflow;
    the hills are clothed with gladness.
The meadows are covered with flocks
    and the valleys are mantled with grain;
    they shout for joy and sing.

I have been reading over this verse this morning, and it deeply resonates with what God has been revealing to me in the past few weeks. I believe that as people, the most beautiful things come from sharing our experiences, and providing honest and transparent accounts of both our triumphs and our struggles. So I would like to share a bit of my heart with you in the hope it may help you, if not today then maybe in another point in time.

Moving to another country has its perks, and it also has its challenges. After a while I felt like I lacked direction and clarity about where I was being called to work, and about where to apply the gifts and skills God has developed in me. I would spend a lot of time on my own, as Rory works long hours, and by nature I am very much a people person (I used to have friends over when I was younger, and as soon as they had left, begged mum and dad to have another friend to stay). Hence to say, I spent a lot of time in my own head, and soon enough I found myself confined to the smallness in my own thinking, and engaging with thoughts that were not from God- doubting my abilities, giving energy and engaging with the idea that “I was just not in a good head space”. I allowed that thinking to rule over me, until I started reading Caroline Leafs book “switch on your brain”, and realised I needed God to be the author of my thoughts, and to allow all things good, not evil, to take precedence in my thinking (Philippians 4:8-10). I could go into what she talks about and the relevance it had in my situation but that would take a whole other blog post- however I would highly recommend her book.

I realised that within this season, within what felt like a massive transition period, God was teaching me. In hindsight, for the past four years and maybe even more, a part of me felt defined by the things that I would do- my academic achievements, projects I would carry out, or acts of kindness I loved to do for people. My character was demonstrated in the things I would do for people and the value that seemed to have in their lives. Being new to a country I knew no one expect Rory, nobody really knew what kind of friend I was or have been, what skills and talents I had, or the things I had achieved to the full extent. Being unemployed I felt the pressure to jump straight into a job, whatever it was, so at least people thought that I must be good at something. I am not saying that we shouldn’t do things for our friends or work hard and achieve well, but within this time God spoke to me. He asked me: Who are you in the stillness, when there is nothing you have to do or be? Who are you when no-body is around? Who are you when you strip away your achievements, strip away how much money you earn, or the grades you get, or the things that you do for people? Who are you then?

The verse I shared at the start of this post talks about how God refines the land. He stills the rough seas, waters the fields and brings bounty to the crops until they are overflowing, and until the land is singing with joy. God can also refine us in this same way- softening our edges, bringing peace to our turmoil, overflowing our spirit and strengthening our hearts, until we are filled with joy- regardless of our circumstance.

We will all have transition periods in our lives and it’s so important to not allow ourselves to feel defined by our work, the things we do or what we are for others, what we have achieved, or any sense of attachment to the many titles we, or others, place on ourselves throughout our lives. Instead choose to be defined by God, and alike to the land he will refine our character (Psalm 66:10 NIV), and from that our fruits will inevitably be plentiful- wherever we devote our time, energy, gifts and skills. In the silence, in the moments of transition or limbo, allow God to reveal to you who you really are, when everything else is stripped away.